we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
