1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
