haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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