The maid of honor just puked.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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