You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
i think i just lost a toe
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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