is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
