Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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