When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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