I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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