I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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