I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
