Where are you?
In a non slutty way
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
