i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
