i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
