I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
