I feel great
I just peed on a car
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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