oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize