Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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