Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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