Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
