new low.... made out with someone while peeing
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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