Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
