my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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