Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
