New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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