That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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