You're completely useless in the revolution.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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