i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Sober January is a disaster.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
40s are totally the cure
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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