I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
