i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
