I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
