I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize