I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
