just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
