She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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