Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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