just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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