mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Quick, to the slutcave!
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize