I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
