just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
