Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
