So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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