Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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