I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize