I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
