I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
