Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
