It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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