God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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