I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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