Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
