and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
