Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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