i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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