we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize
