I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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