as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you mean i was at the winter classic?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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