nutella sex= disaster
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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