he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
