im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
