Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
