I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
