Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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