people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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