I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
