What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
