So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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