tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
