I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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