RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
