Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
me + whiskey = a bad person
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
