Apparently you make a good broom.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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