he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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