Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize